In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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