I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
