So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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