i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
