Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
