Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
