Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
