Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
