That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
