Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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