How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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