Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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