never play flip cup with pint glasses
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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