I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
