please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
