btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
