We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize