did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
