So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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