Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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