Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
