At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
