I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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