I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
