If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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