So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My dad is sitting where you rode me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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