if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize