Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
