I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
