quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
