I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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