I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's the barista slut.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
