YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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