hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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