Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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