We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
