next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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