6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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