i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
