She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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