there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
