I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize