I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
