wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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