Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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