im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
