I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
