well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I could have mohawked her pubes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
