Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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