I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
