he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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