I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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