based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
