You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she peed on how many people?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
