I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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