i just had sex bonerless
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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