i was born a porn star she said
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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