I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
