I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
