So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
