Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
40s are totally the cure
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
