ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
