They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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