he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
