There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
