I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
