There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
