My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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