Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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