Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
