Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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