The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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