He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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