i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
