so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
