I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
