Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
