Buhtt sex?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
