if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need to stop coming to work sober
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
