Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
