When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
