And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
