4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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