Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
